Station No.16

The mid-autumn twilight shone on the changing leaves and the yard just out Charles’ kitchen window was glowing. Deep red, vibrant yellow and an orange which defied explanation, but simply needed to be experienced, drew John to the window. He lingered there, absorbed in the beauty. It seemed to call him; his heart was beating rapidly in his chest.

For a long time he said nothing. Rosa, who was standing nearby and preparing a meal, glanced at John and saw a look on his face which told her he was being transported. She knew enough to stay quiet, she had learned the hard way.

When she was a young mother, she had — as she thinks about it now — essentially badgered her son with questions as to what he might be thinking or feeling at any particular moment. Often, when he was caught up in a moment such as John was presently, Rosa would start questioning him about it. In fairness to Rosa, she was truly interested in what her son thought and what he was experiencing. But after several painful conversations with her son, Rosa learned that those moments are to be savored, the talking about them can come later.

Rosa, John, Jess and Charles were getting to know each other somewhat as Rosa came over to cook for the family a few nights each week while Charles continued his recovery. The leg was nearly healed, and the other minor injuries as well, but Charles still experienced persistent back pain, the drugs for which made him exceedingly drowsy.

Jess had not warmed to Rosa quite as much as John had. Most nights John would sit in the kitchen and talk with Rosa while she cooked, but Jess stayed in her room or in front of the television. John and Jess had had a few words over the whole situation, brought on when John yelled at her for being rude to Rosa at the beginning of her service. Rosa took it in stride, but John told Jess it was wrong, and the two had been on egg shells since.

As John sat watching Rosa cook, he said: “Why do you help us?”

The question took Rosa by surprise, and she pretended she had not heard him by replying: “I’m sorry, what did you say? Rosa was hoping John would reconsider his question if asked to repeat it, and then maybe she would not have to reply at all. Rosa had not really thought it through. She wasn’t sure she wanted to face her own heart. On some level she was aware that she was filling a void.

More than she realized though, she had a need to belong, a need to be needed. But she didn’t really want to start that conversation with a teenage boy.

"If these two American and British administrations are able to achieve their wishes, the world would return to a new law, which is the law of evil based on power and opportunity rather than the law of love and justice," Iraqi television quoted Saddam as telling Malaysian Information Minister Khalil Yaacob.

This quote comes from a Reuters story about the conflict with Iraq. i love the ridiculousness of Saddam . . . when he talks of the law of love and justice, is he really talking about his regime? With a straight face?

Chaos

There is a sense i get, and i get it repeatedly, that God is calling me into the chaos of life out of His grace that i might know Him more intimately, love Him more passionately and trust Him fully. There is a calling out from the comforts of life and the "certainties" i rely on. He seems to say: "Don't trust your material well-being more than you trust Me." And so, He beckons me to walk into dark and chaotic areas of life; financial stress, family struggles, conflict with others and the like.

Oswald Chambers wrote My Utmost For His Highest and this morning He reminded me of his devotional for July 11.

There is a Gracious Uncertainty to the adventure of faith with God. As much as i cling to "security," He keeps showing me only He is my true security. Perhaps one day i will really get that.

It has been a crazy few days, hence no blogging here. Life periodically seems to explode, and such it is now. In the midst of the fray, i have been reading kata John, and trying to get my mind around his arguments on the objectivity of the Covenant. The list of posts has grown, and i recommend you visit if you have an interest in theology _ Reformed, Covenantal or otherwise. i also would appreciate posts from others who can provide thoughts and insight on these issues. Feel free to comment here.

The question posed at Chuck Colson's site is more than appropriate: What Would Screwtape Say?

Station No. 15

The clamor of his ringing phone cut through the calm and rudely roused Jason from a deep sleep. He swatted at the nightstand and finally knocked the phone off the hook and to the floor. He groped, lead in the proper direction by a woman's voice on the other end of the line repeatedly saying: "Hello?"

Groggily, semi-consciously, Jason answered and learned that Charles was in the hospital. Charles had been in a car accident, slid on a road covered with wet leaves, and lost a bout with an oak tree.

Charles was unconscious and the nurses had found Jason's number scribbled on a scrap of paper in Charles' wallet — it was the only phone number in Charles' personal effects. Calls to Charles' house went unanswered as the kids were away for the weekend.

Jason told his wife Jill the story and sped off to get the details. That night, he stayed by Charles' bedside for an hour or so, hoping he would wake, but to no avail. The nurses explained that Charles had been driving drunk according to tests run when he first arrived. Later, Jason left to open the coffeeshop and tried to reach the kids.

During the few days Charles was unconscious, his children visited, as well as Jason and Rosa. In fact it was Rosa who was at Charles' bedside when he finally woke. She was a welcome sight in that at least he was now awake, but had he his druthers, it would have been somebody else.

Amazingly enough, for having totaled the car, Charles escaped with only a broken leg, a concussion, some back pain and a few stitches on his face. He was home and recuperating in a week. But there remained a deep interest on behalf of Jason and Rosa regarding the whole incident, and there was the mess of his DUI to be sorted out. And, despite Charles' assertions otherwise, it was going to be a while before Charles was up to full speed.

The accident had taken a serious toll on Charles physically and emotionally. He was a pendulum ranging between insatiable rage and despondence. He would yell at his kids and then just break down in tears, sobbing as if a baby.

Meanwhile, Jason and Jill had stepped in and shouldered some of the new burdens for Charles and his children. Jason went to bat for Charles with the local judge, and managed to get the court to agree to a minimum fine — which Jason paid. Whether it was meals needing to be cooked or other errands, Jason, Jill and Rosa, took care of Charles quite well.